blake_droid

Updates:  Lindsey came to visit me.  Lindsey drank too much vodka.  Lindsey went to the hospital covered in glitter and vomit.  Such fun.  Halloween kinda legitimately sucked for me.

Unlike most schools, Vassar gets a full week off for October Break.  Wherein the entire fucking campus empties out and leaves.  So I've been fairly lonely, during the day at least, but with friends/casual friends at night.

Thursday- blacked out, but in a good way (apparently).  Friday- went to a party at senior housing, table-danced, got to grind up on my sexually ambiguous/possibly bi friend Nick.  Saturday- got high with Nick and this guy Matt and then got drunk and then danced.

The lovely Gloriana (Glo) came back on Monday to keep me company, but she left today.

Yesterday was lovely because 1) I called Taylor to see if he wanted to hang out this weekend, and he ended up inviting me over to his apartment for wine.  Such a date.  And it was really really pleasant; we talked and drank wine and had sex.  2) Suzanna called me really upset and crying just as I was about to get ready and we talked for a long while and I miss her so much.  She's the most amazing person in my life and I loved how we rebonded just over that telephone call.

Supposed to go back over to Taylor's apartment tonight, but he's hard at work today on his senior thesis (40-50 pages on how the media portrays immigration across the U.S.-Mexican border) and might not have time.

I have my own work to do because break "is about work, not about wasting time" according to my enviro sci teacher.  She's lovely, but I call shenanigans on that.  I finished my reading for my writing class and now have to 1) do research on some stupid science poster, and  2) read and fully understand a French novella for a quiz on Tuesday.  I actually thought there was more.  THOUGH I do have work study shit to do, which is just fully unpleasant.

I'm so looking forward to winter break and seeing everyone.  And I love my plan on going back to UTK early with Suzanna and then riding a greyhound bus back to Memphis to catch my plane.  I feel like I would really love meeting all of these people that she's become such good friends with and it would help out with the our long distance issue, i.e. the fact that we live so far apart.
 

Some things I love about college so far, in no particular order:

1. Being able to hang out with someone pretty much anytime.  I can just wander down the hall and somebody I know will be chilling, even at 3 a.m.

2.  Drinking.  I can now shoot vodka again after the horrible Backstreet debacle of early August.  This makes me happy because people generally only have vodka.

3.  Being nerdy together.  Only at such a ridiculously "smart school" would the economic term "point of diminishing returns" be regularly applied to alcohol consumption.

4.  Dancing.  We have dance parties all the time; they're basically our form of study break, even during the week.

5.  My friends.  I really doubted I could form bonds as strong as those with my Memphis friends (you), but already I feel like I've made some friends that I'll hopefully keep for a really long time. 

6.  Mood.  Everyone at this college is pretty much in agreement on one thing:  liberalism is the shit.  And it's not okay to have any sort of homophobia (I'm sorry, heterosexism), which I've noticed people tend to accept of athletes and other uber-masculine types around Memphis.  Some of the good friends I've made here are guys on sports teams, which I would never have done at home.

In other updates... so my entire Taylor drama, for dedicated readers of this sappy blog thing, turns out to be founded entirely on the curious beast that is the Vassar College Rumor Mill.  I ended up going to this dance party thing at like 2 in the morning and I met up with Taylor again.  Wherein he seemed the same adorable, funny, really nice guy.  And we danced/made out on the dance floor (in front of someone, accidentally, who had told me a few hours earlier he was a whore).  We broke into an academic building for a while, just for kicks, then went back to his place.  After...wards, I was all, "So basically everyone tells me that you're a freshmen predator."  To which he respond, "I KNOW, right?"  Apparently he's been confronted by these rumors by several people, but they're not true at all.  

Apparently I'm the only person he's had sex with this semester.  And he's looked for me at parties and was asking me, at the dance party thing, why I hadn't called him (I didn't have his number).  

I am still completely uncertain about the situation, but I know that I still (unfortunately) really like him and I never got over him.  He keeps semi-inviting me places; Saturday night (we hooked up on Friday, we just saw each other and talked on Sat) he mentioned a post-Grizzly Bear party, but I don't remember hearing "Why don't you come to it?"  It was just implied.  Though he did say, "You should party with us over fall break."  Again, the "us" leads to my confusion.  

He definitely wants to hook up again, based solely on him asking, and admirably in my opinion, about exactly how I liked having sex- "For future reference."  I just can't get a grasp on whether he's into me as a person and has genuine feelings or is feeling all big brotherly to the freshman who he also likes to fuck.

In any case, this is not an angst-filled sad post, or even one of mild psychosis.  I'm just filling out my LJ with my thoughts and wondering how this will all play out.

Best

College has been really great for me, especially once I got over being ridiculously obsessive with that senior.  I'm glad about that.  I still can't resist looking at his facebook profile at least once a day, but that's really just my nature to do so; if I counted up how many people's profiles I looked at in a day, I would probably need to lock myself up.

Classes are getting amazing.  I DID have to spend 4 hours in the woods/composting area near our school collecting plant specimens and earth core samples.  That wasn't fun.  But I'm deigning to spend psychology class doing other work, my writing seminar is fucking incredible, and my French class is really advanced, which is fun.

I'm weirdly already thinking about next semester's classes.  Instead of 4.0 credits (which means 4 classes, which is standard for Vassar, we're weird and don't do "hours"), I'm considering doing 5.0, which is entirely feasible.  The true question is whether or not I want to do Intensive German, which is 2.0 credits- basically it's doing a year of Elementary German in a semester.  This means 1h15 every single day, Monday through Friday.  And already I'm used to having Fridays off.  Besides that, I'm fairly set on Intro to Sociology and Biology 106, which is the lab course that you must have as a prereq for upper level bio classes.  

So I'm not "in a relationship," but I am spending a lot of time, both in my bed and out of bed, with Rafael, who is funny and incredibly obsessive compulsive and a cross country runner.  We're not super serious, we just hang out all the time and hook up regularly.  Right now, he's lying in my common room pretending to be asleep on his calculus homework.  It's kinda adorable.  I really want to go in the next room (I think they're drinking), but I don't want to leave him alone because WEIRDLY this room is empty.

Weekends events:  tonight, party and possibly dancing at the Mug, the college nightclub.  Friday:  hip hop night at the Mug.  Saturday:  Welcome to the Jungle, a themed party.  Sunday:  homework, including (re)reading The Metamorphosis by Kafka.  

My roommate (with whom I have a really nice, close friendship) and I are now in competition.  He put up a picture from a magazine of a girl in lingerie on a motorcycle.  So I put up a picture of a guy in just a revealing towel.  And then he put up some hot chick's picture.  So I have to come up with something clever.  By semester's end, our room will just be covered with hot people. 

I love college.

I'll try and update soon... just not much has been going on that's worth writing about.
 

So last night I decided to go to this party and see if I could find Taylor there and talk to him.  I actually DID talk to him, he was really friendly but very aloof and then wandered off.  I pathetically watched him for over an hour (not continuously, just periodically), waiting for my chance to ask him for his number.  I then saw him talking with this other freshman gay guy, and immediately, I just had the most marvelous disillusionment.  It WASN'T more than a hook-up, despite everything he said or did.  He's just a freshman-banging whore.  Miraculously, almost all the feelings of angst I had had all day were gone.

I won't lie, I still wish he were a person with whom I could have a real connection.  I don't condemn him for doing what he does, because he was never truly dishonest about it.  If I run into him again, I'll be able to truly be friendly and talk to him without getting nervous.  In fact, I'm actually more like him than I care to admit, I just happened to fall for him.  Already, I'm having to ignore people and try to shut them down for trying to get with me.

On the other hand, I no longer feel bad about drunkenly boasting on Saturday that I had fucked a senior.  I felt guilty about that on Sunday, like bragging had been wrong.  But if I was just another conquest, then so was he- and I can tell whoever I want.

So my first week of Orientation was fairly badass and fairly boring at the same time, but I won't go into that.  I will say the first Saturday was a success- a few of my friends and I went to a Town House (TH) party that pretty much everyone was at- before it got broken up- but then got invited into a Frisbee Team party that was fairly rad.

My classes have begun decently, and I like all of them except for Intro to Psychology, which SHOULD get more interesting, especially if I stick out with it.  I would never drop a class though, so it's not like that's even an issue.

Friday was stressful and weird up until the evening.  My friend Julia didn't take her medication and was super cuddly all day, which just irritates me, remarkably so when I'm already in a foul mood.  My boss, this French professor, had assigned me to rip this DVD for him for his class, but hadn't said that it was due back at the library that night, so I had only half a day to work a program I had never worked before and get that damn DVD back.  I succeeded, though just barely.  That night though, at this really bad party, I ran into this guy Daryl, who is our House President.  He's really nice and I like hanging with him (which I don't THINK he's supposed to do when we're drinking, but whatever).  He introduced me to Taylor, this adorable senior guy.  We all three talked and joked around for quite some time, until Daryl wandered off and it was just the two of us.  Eventually, he asked if I wanted to bounce.

We talked about music (he loves Grizzly Bear and The Decemberists dearly) all the way down to Sunset Lake, which is on the lower part of campus.  He showed me how to lay on my back on the bridge and look out over the water to see the sky and trees reflectd perfectly in the starlight.  That's when we started kissing.  A few hills later, we were back at his apartment (seniors have on campus apartments rather than dorms).  And then we had really good sex.

Now I'm fucking annoying myself because I can't get him out of my head.  I am NOT that guy.  I can, and have, done casual sex before and just gone on my way.  But he was so incredible; he's a smart-ass, but not douchey, he's funny, he's understanding and experienced in bed, and I honestly felt a connection.  He said something about seeing each other again, but I couldn't quite understand him because this was after round two and he was really tired.  I'm 90% he just meant hang out, not actually see each other.  I feel like it was a one-time thing, which I was originally fine with.  I refuse to go all stalker on him, but to be honest, I really just want to see him again at some point.  It's not pride that stops me from writing on his facebook wall asking for his number, it's the fact that I don't want that rejection.  I might get the number, but it wouldn't do me any good.  He's a senior, with the completely separate lives that Vassar seniors live.  We have classes in the same buildings (in general, not specifically, I don't know his schedule), and we frequent the same parties, but that's it. 

I think I just have to spend a few days being emotional about this and then I'll move on.  We all know how good I am at compartmentalizing shit.  I just really had to get this out in writing and I'm sorry for the length and angst.  Fuck my unwelcome emotions, especially the ones I can't control.

So right now, I'm sitting in a hotel room in Newark, New Jersey, at 5:58 in the morning because I can no longer sleep.  I went to bed around 9:30 after taking a sleeping pill and thinking that I would sleep well until 7:00.  No such luck.  I woke up at least every 2 hours.

The Holiday Inn in summation.  Bad points:  Rude service, they overdrew my account with their "deposit" that should be returned when I check out, no microwave, nothing to do around here.  Good points:  It's comfortable, there's an iron, I appreciate the fact that they have gay porn though I wouldn't ever buy hotel porn (ugh), coffee.

This trip has been really interesting so far, if exhausting.  Around 8 last night, I succumbed to the pain of having carried around 2 heavy bags and a huge roller duffle.  As in, lie down and put a pillow underneath your back sort of pain.  Still a little achy, but better now.

I just made coffee and in about 45 minutes I'm going to get ready.  I don't have to be in the lobby until after 7:20 because the shuttle leaves for the airport (supposedly) every half hour, on the hour.  Once I get back to the airport, I'll take the airtrain over to "NJ Transit" and ride a train all the way over to New York Penn Station, which is on W 33rd St (In NYC).  And then I have a choice:  either walk 1.3 miles and experience the city, BUT with all my luggage, or pay about $6 for a taxi to Grand Central Station.  I think I'm picking the taxi.  From there, I just buy a ticket to Poughkesspie, leave at 9:45 and get there around 11:30.  

It feels weird being here, and it feels weird knowing I won't be back in Memphis, let alone the southern U.S. for at least 4 months.  Which is exciting, I must admit, but I would be lying if some incredulousness weren't being felt.  Ting Ting herself is VERY homesick (as an international student, she had to get there 2 days early) and is practically ready to leave... I had to calm her down via Skype yesterday and try and get her to see that she couldn't judge Vassar based on international orientation.

So in my final hours as a non-college student (which I think we all make too big of a deal about, it's not THAT huge of a step, to be honest), I am thinking of my friends and how we are all moving on.  Which is life.  

So in an effort to reconcile my dad's constant irritation at never seeing me, I arranged to spend a week with him here in his area of Arkansas.  I'm not exactly regretting this decision, but it has not been entirely positive so far.

Good thing:  he bought me new shoes.

Bad thing:  he asked me for the 2nd time if my mom's boyfriend or "anyone" had ever "done anything" to me.  He is still trying to find a reason for gayness.

Bad thing:  he brought up Jessica Campbell AGAIN and used her as an example of sexual fluidity.  Why I told him that, I'll never know.

Good thing:  I got to hang out with my cousin Kalin, who is going to be a junior in high school this year and is really cool.  I'm hoping to give her advice (over Facebook, largely) this year about college because her brother, who is a year older than me, is NO example. .  She wants to go to film school, which I think is great, even though I shamelessly plugged liberal arts colleges to her.

Bad thing:  2/3 of the triplets possibly have the flu.  Ethan's temperature went up to 104.7 last night.

Good thing:  I got to sleep in my sister's bed (which used to be mine) for 2 nights in a row because she stayed elsewhere.

Bad thing:  My stepmother backed her giant ass van into my small car this morning.  It dented the driver's side door and doesn't open easily.  My dad should have it fixed (I am soooo screwed if he doesn't) but it's horribly annoying and there's the possibility that they can't pull it out.

That was kinda long, but it's a summation so far of the pros and cons of this visit.  OH, and FedEx has possibly misplaced my bike.  But they don't know for certain.  As it turns out, fortunately, the first zip code that I gave them, even though I later called and corrected it, is for the town right next to Poughkeepsie. 

I HAVE EXACTLY 1 WEEK UNTIL MY FLIGHT LEAVES MEMPHIS.  Pretty much down to the same time.  I'm going to miss all of you and even those of you who aren't reading this because you fail to have LJ (Caitlin, Roxy, *cough cough*), but I'm ready to get on and start doing something useful with my life again.  Stagnation is just bothersome.
 

So my last weekend in Memphis with my friends was extremely eventful- it was some of the best times of my life, and some of the absolute worst.

Friday evening was incredibly pleasant with Suzanna's fancy dinner party.  It was me, Regina, Suz, Dylan, and Nathan.  The Hanks refused to eat anything besides the cake that they brought, but Nathan will almost certainly read this, so I have no comment.  Regina and I had a few mixed drinks and got a little buzzed, but I didn't think anything of it.  Around 10:30, Suzanna, Regina, and I left the house for Backstreet to meet Ryan and some of his friends.

In short, I ended up drinking too much and blacking out most of the night.  When I woke up in the spare bed at Suzanna's, the girls gleefully recounted all of my escapades the night before, largely consisting of nonsensical mutterings like, "No more Professor Snape" and "We have to restart the alphabet" and then vomiting.  I feel trashy.  Everything from hitting the gravel to being taken home to all the puking to being put to bed are completely gone.

Saturday was horrific.  I felt awful and nauseous all day and could not eat or really drink.  My low point was going and vomiting in the Old Navy bathroom (it was tax free weekend, I had to shop).  When I went to work, Amanda, Roxy, and Regina started telling me to drink LOTS of water and suggested eating crackers, goldfish (crackers), and cake cones.  By the time we closed, I was feeling pretty decent.  So Natalie drove me and Roxy down to Monica's for Regina's 21st birthday party- which was really really fun.

It was sort of a last hurrah for the TCBY crew and all of us who are friends, and by last hurrah, I mean until Christmas Break.  Even if I see them before we all leave, I will miss:  Suz, Caitlin, Regina, Roxy, Nick, Katie, Natalie, Molly, and Amanda.   I'm sad that a lot of people left the party soon after we got there, but the remainder was quite lovely.  Despite the previous night's atrocities, I let Roxy convince me to drink some more and smoking out on the porch was really really helpful- it probably made the night as painless as it was in terms of bodily nausea.  Though, admittedly, a drunk me, Roxy, Katie, and Nick aren't too helpful when it comes to being discreet or really aware of anything.  (re:  Regina).  Sorry.

Eventually, Nick, Roxy (who had puked a few times and even mildly convulsed), and Regina all went to bed.  Katie was awake but largely silent as me, Monica, and Matt talked and laughed raucously until 5 in the morning.  

I spent the next day eating, sleeping at so many different points in the day, watching Arrested Development, and reading Harry Potter.  Such a fucking good day.

I've been fairly lax about posting in my LJ even though I think all the time about all the things I need to put in here.  It's almost like I write out a post in my head, and then just don't put it down because it's almost like repeating.

Today, starting wisely, I got up at 9:20 so I could make it down to Brother Juniper's for brunch with Suzanna, Caitlin, Regina, and Matt.  At first I thought Matt, who is 21, would be one of those annoyingly judgmental "You're 18 and thus inferior to me" people, but he turned out to be really nice and funny.  I honestly think it was the best Bro. Juniper's brunch I've had with this gang, just because it was the largest group and we had such pleasant conversation.  Of course, I miss the Governor's School Brother Juniper's visits, but just almost entirely because I could go there with my boyfriend at the time.  And then he went back to Chattanooga, which was horribly disappointing.  Sometimes going to that diner makes me sad for a minute because I think of how we would have almost certainly had a long and happy relationship.  But then I'm fine because I've totally and completely moved on from that and I think of how I love my life right now.

Suzanna and I later went to Target and I bought a pair of athletic boxer briefs, a new case for Jonathan Safran Foer and accompanying equipment, and apple juice.  We found amazing 5-shelf bookcases for $31.99; Suzanna bought one for her and Caitlin, but my roommate Lane and I don't have each other's numbers, so I had to wait to get home before I told him about over facebook.  Of course, he'll have to handle it.  THEN we went to Old Navy and Mama McCloskey, who I love and don't think is stalkerishly creepy like Suz made her kinda believe, paid for my new flip-flops.

This Friday Suz is throwing a fancy dinner party and I'm horribly excited for it because I LOVE any sort of gathering that involves 1) fancy and 2) a meal.  I already have my outfit picked out and I think it's fairly charming, if I do say so myself without seeming overly pompous because I'm not really.  Afterwards, Ryan is coming over with a huge bottle of Burnette's vodka:  he, me, Suzanna, Regina, and I -think- Matt are going to go to Backstreet, get ridiculously drunk, and dance.  I love Suzanna because she knows she won't drink a lot and is willingly the DD.  

After nursing what will probably be a coffee-and-bagel hangover the next morning, we have Gina's 21st birthday party that night.  Where I plan on getting wasted yet again.  BUT BUT BUT I not only do not have to justify my behavior because I'm 18 and an adult, this is also the LAST WEEKEND that I have with my friends.  Which is terrifyingly sad.  Next Friday, Suzanna and Caitlin are leaving, and I'll be going to see my dad for a week.  When I get back, I'll only have 2 days to finish getting ready and then New York.

This was super long, but I'm listening to Madonna and happy and just wanted to talk about my life right now.  

So after being subject to herbal incapacitation earlier this morning (11:50ish), I began my today with a series of activities and various minor cases of mischief that would hopefully end with a Rocky Horror Picture Show Night that would involve serious amounts of alcohol and dancing. 

I soon got a text from Caitlin:  Liquor stores are closed on sundays.  beer or wine coolers?  The only logical answer was clearly "Both," but it was the feeling of loss when you're about to get a large bottle of vodka and then suddenly it's slapped playfully away from your hands.

I DID however go home to find the vital pieces of my costume:  a blue bathrobe, and old pair of boxers that matched them, and my glasses.  Naturally, I had the glitter I needed in my messenger bag.

I had an epiphany in the car when high-driving (which, I'm not going to lie, is genuinely one of my favorite activities to do in that condition).  Most people I'm around are clearly used to my most likely irritating stories of parental drama.  Well, I've decided to let that go at college.  If any of my Vassar friends ever read this, which is likely, I would say "HUSH."  No more.  It will be time to completely bury that image of me as extremely bitter all the time.

However, if I complain to some of you during the summer, don't hold that against me.  I have to first remove myself FROM the parental drama first.

BUT, I was again booze-blocked!!!  The giant bottle of Bacardi rum that is always underneath the sink WAS GONE!  Then I realized that my mom's boyfriend was there.  I hadn't come home in a couple of days, so he had probably downed the remainder of the rum during my absence.

Balancing out this sad discovery was my newfound appreciation of Liz Phair as I downloaded some of her stuff I'd heard before.  Very much approved.  It's clearly gay and semi-pop, but I would almost consider it a sort of feminized indie rock.  

I might russle of something to do on the interwebs or go ahead and head out to party city for the party hats and blower things, if they're not too expensive.

<input ... ></input><input ... >Today was one of those disgusting days where you spend every moment  overwhelmed by swinging emotions and mood swings aka hormones.  Since waking up this morning, I immediately went into a period where the slightest word out of my brother's mouth would cause me to erupt in anger and any sad thought would provoke me to tears.

Also, there was an animal that had somehow gotten stuck in the wall of our dining room from outside.  So I had to listen to it as it tried to escape ALL FUCKING DAY.  I had to go in my room and cry because I knew it would eventually die.  The noises are no longer coming from there, so I'm actually assuming it got out okay because it wouldn't have died that quickly.

I spent the majority of my time playing mahjong, listening to folk music, stalking facebook, playing stepmania, watching The Tudors, watching Gossip Girl, and reading Everything is Illuminated.  This is a list, true, but it's also full of really inane and simple things.

I realized that I probably need some sort of loving contact because I quite visibly and audibly yelled at my dog when she refused to jump up on the bed with me and show me love.  All I wanted was for the damn dog to lay down beside me and let me rub her belly or pat her head.  Something.  No, the bitch ran away (because she never minds when I want her to) and I was left very stormy with my face down in my pillow.  I wasn't just aggravated at her; my level of emotion was just so high that I was legitimately hurt and angry.

I watched an episode of The Tudors and was overwhelmed by Natalie Dormer's beauty.  That doesn't even make a bit of sense.  Granted, I was still all "Damn, look at how hot Charles is.  And Henry.  And the two of them together..." but for some reason I was AGAIN enchanted by Natalie aka Anne Boleyn.  That's just where I was at in my mood, I had to get all aesthetic.

When I got to work, I was uncharacteristically optimistic about the schedule.  Surely, thought I, Christy had to have scheduled me for at least 16-20 hours because the past 2 weeks I've only worked around 8.  Foolish fucking me.  That thundercunt (I'm sorry, Regina, if I'm offending you by calling Christy that), that fucking thundercunt, gave me 9 hours total with 3 different on call shifts.  I almost went into a fit of disgust and rage right there.  Admittedly, I complained a great deal, but I was definitely on the verge of outright calling her and screaming.

Then I got the idea to have a party, formulated with Roxy, and my mood improved.  Now I'm at home with the prospect of nothing for tomorrow except possibly picknicking if I can get around to asking people about Shelby Farms.  It might wait for Tuesday.  Oh, who the fuck cares, I'm not working.

I have spent the past 24 hours at my house under the influence of heretofore unnamed substances.  I have rewatched half of Gossip Girl season one and have eaten so much food that I don't know if the food baby will be gone by tonight.

My excuse:  Bonnaroo practice and boredom in general.

What I plan to do about it:  I am legitimately about to go clean my room (fully), then I will go to work, then go to Suzanna's.  Nothing more until Bonnaroo, where I will not be held responsible for those sorts of actions.  And when I get back, it will be a time for bodily cleansing and purification, i.e. going to the gym, swimming, working, and eating naturally.

On another note, I saw Nessa on Sunday night at Java, accompanied by Lyle of course.  I knew we'd grown apart over the past few months, but she barely said hi to me and only after greeting other people.  The she rather blatantly ignored me and went inside.  Oh well.  I'm not that concerned, it was just a bitchy thing for her to do.  Got plenty of other friends to talk to and do stuff with.

I feel like I will definitely be writing a new fanfic come post-Bonnaroo healing time.  I signed up a while ago for a Dan/Chuck story, but I don't even know the details of that anymore... :-/  Not a fan of how I handled that.

Yesterday I actually checked my Friends page (surprise!) and saw how depressed Suzanna was.  And in my state of mind at the time, I instantly became sympathetically depressed and sought to alleviate her pain.  BUT a simple text apparently cheered her up and I talked to her earlier today :)

1.5 days until Bonnaroo!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so incredibly excited it's not even remotely amusing.  Tonight we'll be packing and tomorrow I have to go mega-grocery shopping.  I just hope we can clear up WHO is going, because Lindsey supposedly is trying to add a 6th person to our caravan. 

I am saying fuck it and after B-roo will start collecting the DVDs of Will & Grace.  They are $16 apiece and I have wanted them for years.  So BAH to my conscience telling me it's a waste of money.  I blame it on the internet; if I could decently watch episodes online I wouldn't be resorting to this.

Good night.  And good luck.
Devin
 

So I have never posted a personal entry, I have only ever used LJ for fanfiction purposes.  Unfortunately, Suzanna bitches at me and I find myself uninspired for writing stories.

My life so far has reached a climactic point- not THE climax, but A climax.  High school is over.  College is in the fall.  I am in a state of limbo insofar as there is no real objective for this summer save soul searching and discovering myself.  And I'm okay with that, even though I've always focused on school.

Bonnaroo is in a week, which is awesome.  I'm really looking forward to it and I feel prepared due to the recent slew of purchases I have made.  Undisclosed purchases.

My summer has begun in a very lovely way because of my friends.  I have Suzanna, Bridget, Blaine, Caitlin, Kyla, Max, Nathan, and possibly still Nessa, all people I have come to appreciate and love (to certain extents).  But also, I'm making a lot of new friends, especially at work.  Regina, Roxy, Lee, Nick, and Katie are all great; I was actually fairly decent friends with Jeff (and his roommate Randy) but then Jeff left for Washington DC a few days after we went drunkenly gay clubbing.

I feel like I need to experience my limits in alcohol and understand how much fun I can handle and maintain a strong level of studiousness and diligence.  I'm almost frightened about starting college just because of how much senioritis I had and how I am spending the summer working a 20 hour week and partying the rest.  Well, I would say 3-4 days of the week.  

I'm actually enjoying staying home (when my family's gone) and watching things like True Blood and Gossip Girl.  I am easily amused sometimes.  Also, I just moved all of my DVDs to another place in my room.

In summation of today, just as an example, I came over to Suzanna's house (almost with the promise of wine, which went undelivered) to help out with her mom's garage sale.  I laid out my books under the watch of Mama McCloskey aka Judy.  I only sold 2, but that was $2 more than what I had.  Ryan was there when I got there and I later texted Nathan; he ended up coming over.  After goin to Whatever, a head shop, to make purchases, we all hung out in Suzanna's bedroom playing on our computers.  At 5, though, Suzanna and I have to go to work at TCBY and Ryan will work at Panera Bread.

So this will be the first in a series of life-related posts.  I plan on following Suz's example (and Bridget's and Gina's) and being a better person about this.

Til then,
Devin

Title: Cold Numbs the Broken Edges
Characters: Xander/Spike
Rating: R for mature themes and a fair amount of sexuality
Warnings: Graphic imagery, m/m romance/sexuality, some violence
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Summary: After a traumatic experience, Xander considers how he let himself go down a dark path with Spike

( The cold water seared his flesh... )